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I feel resentment stirring. Blessed resentment! That’s something, that’s mine. August They say I’m doing better. I’m off Suicide Street and have moved to Pitiful Parade. And they say that’s better. I wish you wouldn’t visit so often. I don’t want to hear about life outside, it has no meaning in here. And I wish you wouldn’t hold me so close. I can sense your fear though you try hard these days to conceal it. You were angry at first, and that I understood. But why are you so afraid now? You got your way. I’m still breathing. Not like Christopher. His name is a piercing blade to the numbness and I am grateful for it. October I am glad you brought me back here. The uncompromising landscape soothes me. The grey moody sky, the shrieking winds and ocean spray. The rage of the waves echoes through me, it feels so familiar. But enough, I must have my say today. The ‘madness within’ you call it. A dominating, powerful force that you feel drives me to both despair and delight. You derive. So much for my hopes of changing into mynormal clothes and running away. Not that I had any money - or anytransport back to Sydney, hundreds of kilometres away. And there was noway I was going to try hitchhiking back to Sydney while wearing a dress. My skin crawled at the thought, my clittie shrivelling in fear.I ignored the fluffy white petticoats, and flicked through the half-dozendresses hanging in the wardrobe. I already knew the yellow one I worehome from Aunty Mandy's was too short, and discarded it. I knew it wouldleave my diapered crotch permanently on display. There was a longer,pastel-pink cotton frock that was so sheer, when I held it up to thelight I saw it would require a petticoat underneath. I tossed that oneaside, too. I didn't want to wear a frothy pettie like a little girl. Thestarched white cotton frock was missing. I assumed it was in the wash. Ipulled out a simple baby-blue frock and examined it. It was sleeveless,with wide shoulder straps and a plain yoke neck..
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